The List

So tonight when I got home from work, I pulled up my MSN website and found the following list:

6 ways to improve your butt and thighs.

1. 5 ways to shut down emotional eating
2. 12 reasons to stop multitasking now
3. 8 Surprising things that make you stink
4. All your sleep problems, solved
5. 11 reasons you should never, ever take a cruise
6. 13 ways to have a healthy road trip
7. 6 bad excuses for overeating
8. 7 ways to have a healthy fourth of July
9. 12 turnoffs that kill your sex life
10. 10 signs you may have OCD
11. 9 moves to tighter butt
12. The 10 biggest food label lies
13. How to avoid foodborne bacteria at a picnic
14. 6 ways to improve your butt and thighs

     Ok; so sometimes I just need to write.  The concept behind the My Big Fat Cookie blog  is to chronicle the events surrounding the launch of our cookie truck business.  Our plans from the beginning were that we would include life events along the way, family milestones and of course anything and everything that had to do with our cookie truck . . . . .  but sometimes I just need to write.  When milestones are still a mile away, and life events don't rise to the level deserving of a blog post, and when Baby Fat (our cookie truck) is parked for the night, you may see the occasional Op-Ed appear on our blog.  Let me apologize in advance for anything I may write which could offend you.  That is not the intent.  I simply have an opinion and sometimes it will bubble up and spill forth onto our blog page just like the one you are reading now...    
     So; did you read the above list?  WTF?  (Whose The Freak?)  Are you kidding me?  This list came from one web-page on the MSN site.  Let me see if I can put that in words which are easier to understand; this list came from one web-page on the MSN site!     I sometimes wonder if the media (in this case MSN) gets to a point where they are so desperate for content that they simply start making up stories.  Like; #9 for example.  "12 turnoffs that kill your sex life."  Really?  Only twelve?  Without even trying I can come up with 15 and all of those take place over a cell phone. 
     How about number #8?  "7 ways to have a healthy fourth of July."  The fourth of July is not meant to be healthy!  The whole holiday is about being unhealthy.  Fried chicken, hamburgers, hotdogs, mayonnaise based salads, beer, wine, chips, dip, soda, and pyro-maniacal toys which can turn a 40 year old man into an 8 year old boy before a single fuse is lit.   We are celebrating our nations independence, and this is no time to be healthy. 
   Then there's number 13; "How to avoid Foodborne bacteria at a picnic"  I didn't even bother to read about this.  If you suffer from #10 than #13 probably wont be a problem for you anyway but on July 4th the last thing you want to trouble yourself with is proper food handling practices.  All concentration should most likely go toward the salvation of your digits.  More people suffer from serious burns and dismembered hands during this holiday than  all of our other holidays combined and that includes New Years Eve.  (New Years Eve has its own set of rules for people who are stupid.)  On July 4th it doesn't matter what the label on the package says, 8 year old 40 year olds will still find it necessary to throw, hold, pitch or otherwise pick up, those little pyro-toys once the fuse is lit.  The exhilaration which comes from clutching 8 ounces of black powder with the fuse burning is too great of an urge for most men to overcome. 

11 reasons you should never, ever take

a cruise.

     #2; "12 reasons to stop multi-tasking now."  Really?  Just when the one holiday that multi-tasking was made for is upon us; you ask that we stop the practice?  When I need multi-tasking the most there are 12 reasons to stop?  How am I supposed to hold my hotdog, take a sip of my beer and still light and throw my Zippy Whig all at the same time?  If there is ever a day for multi tasking; it is the fourth day in July!  On this day if I choose to practice #14, then I certainly qualify for #10, which is bound to aggravate my issues with #4.
     In September, my wife Donna and I are going to ignore #5 when we take a cruise. During our cruise we will certainly violate all the rules stipulated in #1.  This is all enough to make you want to take a long drive to parts unknown but look at #6; there is no way I can keep up with all 13 of the ways to have a healthy road trip.....
     Is this really what we have come to?  We need a "news" website to tell us all the different reasons we should start, stop, continue, or change the things we do (or don't do) which make us who we are? 
     A list that informed us on the basics of how to throw a lit bottle rocket or the proper dosage of Kaopectate to combat the side effects of potato salad left out in the sun too long would be much more helpful.  Come on MSN; it's almost the fourth of July; don't harsh my buzz!

Do you need a Big Fat Cookie?